I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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