We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public