You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?