Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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