Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.