I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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