Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.