Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
