I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
