I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
