So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina