I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.