Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol