Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So how was he last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny