Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.