Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (940): View more from Texas

  Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.

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  (940): Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night. http://tfl.nu/76za
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes

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  (610): Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes http://tfl.nu/106l
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.

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  (440): My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b. http://tfl.nu/x8nr
  Replies (6) Good night (496) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

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  (678): No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing! http://tfl.nu/2stv
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.

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  (805): I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lu11
  Replies (4) Good night (496) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short

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  (312): So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short http://tfl.nu/ro22
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (128) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.

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  (209): Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/an4l
  Replies (9) Good night (496) Bad night (3645) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.

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  (651): When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end. http://tfl.nu/o22d
  Replies (17) Good night (496) Bad night (2563)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text

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  (508): I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text http://tfl.nu/al36
  Replies (7) Good night (496) Bad night (3157) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

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  (434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp
  Replies (13) Good night (496) Bad night (2937)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads

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  (504): so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads http://tfl.nu/yn7g
  Replies (24) Good night (496) Bad night (6963) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants

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  (612): Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants http://tfl.nu/1x5f
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.

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  (847): This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car. http://tfl.nu/cnfz
  Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (1838) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.

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  (208): Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen. http://tfl.nu/0ir7
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.

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  (281): They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born. http://tfl.nu/is60
  Replies (7) Good night (495) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt