I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.