The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.