I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.