Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing