Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.