dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell