do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.