Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.