youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject