I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken