I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance