And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.