I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.