We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch