Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
