I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns