they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.