only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
either way he was missing a nipple.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.