Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.