Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.