Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.