I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order