Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Follow @tfln