I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
