I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"