bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore