I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
