He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"