Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?