I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.