I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
