Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dating After Heartbreak
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.