Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.