i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it