The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.