i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
