After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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