I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.