I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?