I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
