Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im so drunk with asians
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt