Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im so drunk with asians
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt