I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"