Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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