He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family