My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I would do horrible things to your vagina.