his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome