So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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