driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father