I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat