come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we have pet lesbian snakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt