come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we have pet lesbian snakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt