Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"