No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed