So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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